apologies!

Soooooo, I realized that people are still visiting our dear old little blog hoping for just a tiny glimpse into the exciting lives of Tara and Tracy.

Well, I'm sorry to disappoint, but the life of Tracy is not so exciting these days. I get up. I go to class. I go to work. I go to more class. I long to nap. I become overwhelmed by the amount of work I have to do. I have a mini-meltdown. And then folks, I call it a day. I go to bed. And I get up the next morning and do it all over again. Oh, and bagels, I eat a lot of bagels.

This cylce has been punctuated by some drama, of the boy variety of course. But such is life.

Tara's life, on the other hand, is super exciting because she is in Chile! And you can read ALLLLL about it at www.tarainchile.blogspot.com

yesssss, click that link! you know you want to!

a back to school graph

<3tracy

he's trying to kill me with environmentalism.

Today my summer job ended and I moved back home to Lancaster. Today also happened to be the hottest, stickiest day of the entire summer -- the Department of Homeland Security put out some official heat warning, DC-area pools extended their hours, deodorants of every brand didn't stand up to the job. It felt like death outside. And after lugging every single one of my possessions out of my dorm room and into the humidity, I was practically melting to a puddle right on the corner of Mass Ave.

So I was really appreciative of the air conditioning during the car ride home, and I also spent some time daydreaming about the central air at my dad's house. Mmmmm central air, how I love you for keeping me puddle-free and happy!

But when I walked in the door, I FELT NO CENTRAL AIR CONDITIONING. "Oh yeah, it's still broken," my brother casually mentioned to me. "It hasn't been working forever. But you can open some windows and it's sort of okay."

After unpacking about 358 suitcases in my tiny, sweltering, un-air conditioned bedroom, I felt like a) I had never left DC and I must not be at home after all, b) I wanted to die, c) I should probably get rid of half of the things I own, and d) I would do absolutely anything for some beautiful amazing cold air.

Eventually, I resigned myself to my sweaty uncomfortable fate, sucked it up, and opened some windows like my brother suggested. And I asked my dad how long our air conditioning had been broken.

"Oh, it works fine," he answered cheerfully. "We just try not to use it."

No. No way. I almost would have laughed at him, except I wanted to cry on the inside. "But...wait a minute...Seth told me that...how did you not USE IT today?!?!??"

"It was easy! We just didn't turn it on!" he said, smiling at me like I was making a funny joke. Unfortunately for both of us, I start losing my sense of humor around 93 degrees.

whyyyy is my dad trying to kill me why why why why whyyyy

<3tara

i'm not the only one!

Anybody that really knows me knows that I despise the word "panties" (just typing it makes me cringe). Most people think it's weird. But it's just so creepy to me.

Today while I was at work not working, I was reading Glamour online and I found this piece about the vile word. I feel validated.

<3tracy

center for disease control announces new epidemic

An epidemic has hit our nation's capital! The Center for Disease Control is calling it "pleated pantsitis" and they estimate that seven in ten males in Washington, DC have contracted it! They're particularly concerned about the "khaki strain" of this virus (also called P1K1) which may be resistant to antibiotics.

Symptoms include:
-Owning 1+ pairs of pleated pants
-Wearing pleated pants in any context
-Confusion as to why pleated pants are a fashion don't

Pleated pantsitis can lead to a loss of one's "game", loss of one's dignity, and if left untreated can result in fashion suicide.

If you have already contracted pleated pantsitis, the CDC recommends you visit your nearest department store for treatment. If you are not infected and wish to reduce your chances of contracting pleated pantsitis, the CDC is recommending GQ and the Style Network as preventative measures.

<3tracy

PS - I hope you're glad we're back, bitches!

to be determined: back with a vengeance!

Okay, so Tracy and I have obviously taken a hiatus from our blog. We got a little lazy this summer and stopped appreciating the blogworthy moments in our lives. We know we disappointed you. We know you probably spent countless days this summer sitting at your computer, trying to refresh this page and crying when there were no new blog posts to be found. Please forgive us.

But never fear! We are BACK -- with new photos, new anecdotes, new dialogues, and a brand new layout. Get excited.

<3tara

sorry, Trent

So after that last post, I got to thinking. And I decided that Tara and I don't embarrass our friends enough. Sure I embarrass them by making a scene in public just about every chance I get; but that's just them being embarrassed by our friendship, sometimes I just want them to be embarrassed about themselves. So I had this thought in the back of my head when I was shamelessly creeping on Trent's photos. And I decided that he is my favorite person to facebook creep (besides potential love-interests, of course!) because HE MAKES THE BEST FACES EVER! Observe:

Trent, you are my favorite!

<3tracy

he's been deceived!

Tara and Tracy are at their respective jobs, bored and facebook chatting to pass the time.

Tara: Tracy...
Tara: my life isn't funny anymore
Tara: I have nothing to blog about!
Tracy: ME NEITHER
Tara: I've been trying to write a new entry and I've got nothing.
Tracy: you know what's funny?
Tracy: Steph has a profile picture on facebook with a bra on her head...and I bet James saw it.
Tara: hahaha yeah he's totally facebook stalked her!
Tara: but it's Lauren's bra
Tara: he's been deceived
Tracy: HAHAHA
Tracy: there
Tracy: that's our blog post!
Tracy: badabingbadaboom



<3tara & tracy

tara and seal: a love story

I know we're in college, but it's not THAT weird to remain attached to a favorite childhood object, right?? Some people keep their teddy bears or baby blankets. I don't have one of those, but I do have Seal.

Seal is a white (okay, more like a dingy graying) stuffed animal that I got at the Baltimore Aquarium when I was about nine years old. Ever since then, he's slept in my bed every night. My mom made fun of me when I packed him for college, but I'm not ready to be separated from Seal just because I'm approaching adulthood.

Tracy objects to Seal because he's gotten a little worse for the wear over the years -- I would call him "well-loved," but she would call him "disgusting." Once during fall semester, she gave Seal a long-overdue bath. Because I wouldn't let her put him in the washing machine in case it destroyed him forever, she lovingly scrubbed him with laundry detergent in our bathroom sink and blow-dried his fur.

Despite his questionable hygiene, it's pretty clear that Seal is a hit. Visitors always enjoy playing games of "Seal ball" in the hallway, nuzzling Seal to their chests, and hiding Seal in secret spots around the room. The Erics (both Modrak and Piccirelli) love to find creative places to put Seal, which never fails to send me into a panic as I frantically search for him right before I want to go to sleep. I have discovered Seal on top of my lamp, behind my printer, and at the bottom of my laundry basket after having small panic attacks.

This past weekend, when Alejandro visited me in DC for a couple days, he had all the usual criticism -- Seal is gross and dirty, Seal is a ridiculous thing for a 20-year-old to keep in her bed every night, blah blah blah. I didn't care. I love Seal and I ignored all of Alejandro's threats to steal him away from me.

When Alejandro left to drive back to New Jersey, my room seemed like it was back to normal. It was finally clean and contained only one person's personal stuff. But when I went to get ready for bed, THERE WAS SOMETHING VERY WRONG. I couldn't find Seal ANYWHERE, even though I was sure I had put him on the end of my bed that morning. Alejandro and I had a ridiculous text message exchange while I tried desperately to find Seal:


Tara: WHERE IS SEAL WHERE IS SEAL WHERE IS SEAL WHERE IS SEAL?
Alejandro: Somewhere special.
Tara: I hate you. I HATE YOU. Tell me where he is right now.
Alejandro: Oh, just guess.
Tara: OH MY GOD. If Seal is in New Jersey, I WILL KILL YOU. Do you hear me??? I will come there and kill you.


Luckily, Seal was not all the way in New Jersey. He was hidden on a top shelf next to my Swiffer (and now he smells a lot cleaner than he used to). It was the closest call yet. I don't know what I would do if Seal was all the way in a different state from me. I'm going to sleep with him forever and I don't care what my future husband has to say about it.

<3tara

memorial day weekend with roxanne and eric

My weekend in photography and song!

Antiques at Savage Mill.


Ghost hunting at the Patapsco Female Institute.


Backyard show with Man and Dog.

Whistle Dawn - Man and Dog


All Day with No Rest - Man and Dog



BOLT! Dance Party at the Hexagon featuring Ten Elevenths.


Perchance to Dream (Mastered) - Ten Elevenths


The Facts (Mastered) - Ten Elevenths


And of course, Eric's excellent thrift store find.

<3tracy

live from roxanne's house

epic

weekend

photos soon.

<3tracy & eric

newsflash: even when you speak in spanish, sometimes there are gringas like me who can understand you.

"A no alcohol policy? Seriously? When you get this many Hispanics together, you can't expect them to stay sober."

"If you girls ever want to come to Mexico, you have a house to stay in. ...My house."

"They can't get us in trouble. We'll just say we don't speak any English. Why isn't there a translator here? Can we get a translator? That's what we'll say."

<3tara

everything is relative...

Today when I was in the shower I was thinking about how much I hate communal bathrooms. Then I remembered that if I had gone back to work at summer camp this summer I'd still be using communal bathrooms and at least when I use the communal bathrooms at school I don't have to worry about finding dead chipmunks in the toilets...

<3tracy

EPIC FAIL

I don't know what it is but lately I have been failing miserably at life.

Tonight I broke the lid to my pot. But it's not like it fell and cracked into a few pieces. No, it SHATTERED and suddenly my floor was covered in teeny tiny very sharp shards of glass. Like we're talking thousands of shards. I spent the better part of an hour on my hands and knees with a roll of duct tape trying to get all the broken glass out of the carpet.

Last weekend I broke a light bulb. But not an ordinary lightbulb, no sir. A CFL. The difference? CFL's have MERCURY in them. So of course I have a MELTDOWN trying to figure out how I'm supposed to clean it up and whether or not I'm in compliance with EPAs hazardous waste disposal guidelines. I actually googled "signs of mercury poisoning" because I thought I was going to die. Thankfully I didn't, but I still had to clean up a million shards of glass and some scary powdery stuff.

Today I tried to go grocery shopping and I put in the wrong PIN for my debit card. On Monday I walked into Whole Foods and it was beautiful and sunny. Fifteen minutes later I walk out and find myself in a TORRENTIAL downpour. Did I mention I had 3 bags of groceries and no umbrella?

My sewing machine was delivered on Tuesday but when I went to get it they told me I had to have a package slip. I went to check my mail only to realize that instead of turning in my old mail key I accidentally turned in the key to my desk at work. Not only that, but they new key they gave me for my new room was THE WRONG KEY. So I go to the desk to get a new key OHJKWEDON'THAVEAKEYTOGIVEYOUCHECKBACKINAWEEK. So I borrow my roommate's key OHJKYOURMAILBOXISJAMMEDANDTHEKEYWON'TGOIN.

Oh and then there was the matter of getting promoted at work. Yeah, I know that sounds like a good thing, until you find out that I'm doing twice the work and not getting a pay raise. Oh and then I found out that my job is basically a dead end and they are going to kick me to the curb the DAY I graduate.

I can't sleep at night because my back hurts so badly from sitting at a desk in front of a computer for 40 hours a week. As a result, I oversleep and am late to work.

My cuckoo clock is broken. I lost a button on my jacket. I can't fit all my clothes into my drawers in my new room. Broke my new brown heels. I can't solve the USA Today crossword puzzle if my life depended on it (so embarassing).

I really really miss my suite. I'm becoming a recluse.

FUCK MY LIFE.

<3tracy

i can has chocolate?

I'm working in Commissioner Moeller's office today and I just signed for an enormous package. Upon closer examination, I saw it was from Godiva.

MMMMMmmmm....

<3tracy

the story of Tara's worst nightmare come true

I am terrified of cars. 

I am scared of driving them. I am scared of being driven in them by reckless teenagers who swerve and speed. I am scared of crossing the street against traffic. Even at Ward Circle, where the cars are supposed to yield to pedestrians, I like to wait to step into the street until the coast is completely clear. Cars are bigger than me and they are scary.

My parents are to blame for the root of this fear. When I was growing up, they liked to remind me of the statistical data on teenage driving and car accidents. (For example -- did you know that for every additional passenger in the car, the chance of an accident increases a bajillion percent? Did you WANT to know that???) I think they just wanted me to be cautious, but I ended up with an irrational phobia that causes me to sprint across the street even when I have the right of way.

I am the last person that should have ever gotten hit by a car.

But that's what happened on Monday night as I was walking home from Tenleytown with an armload of groceries. As I was crossing the street with all of my usual caution (I was IN THE CROSSWALK, with 5 WHOLE SECONDS left before the light was going to turn), I looked to my left to see a car making a turn. And continuing to make a turn. Right into me.

I'm going to give the driver the benefit of the doubt -- it was 8 p.m. and raining, so I guess they had a hard time seeing me. They should have heard me, though, because I started screaming at the top of my lungs as my greatest fear started to come true: the car ran into my side and knocked me over onto the street.

Fortunately, it wasn't going fast enough to hurt me (that is, if you don't count my emotional scarring). I didn't have any bumps or bruises or broken bones. I stood up without any trouble and promptly hyperventilated. 

The people in the car stopped, pulled over, and tried to convince me sit down in the back seat to catch my breath. I had somewhat of an internal conflict -- "Tara, you're not supposed to get in a car with strangers!!!!" competed with "Tara, you just got hit by a car and it's raining and these people should probably give you a ride home before you decide to sue them." 

Ultimately, I figured that these people weren't planning on kidnapping me. Running me over with their car was bad enough, and they probably didn't want to traumatize me any further. I was right. After apologizing, offering to call 911, and asking if I needed to go to the hospital about 48436799 times, they dropped me off on campus. One of the guys turned to me and said, "Well, at least you got a ride home out of this!" before turning white as a sheet and stammering, "That was tasteless. I'm sorry. That was an incredibly tasteless joke. That was terrible. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry." (I think the threat of a lawsuit was scaring them all shitless. It was an interesting position of power for me.)

All in all, I am physically unscathed, but my fear of cars has increased exponentially. I apologize if you ever have to walk anywhere with me in the near future -- you may get impatient when I wait 10 minutes for all of the cars to disappear into the distance before crossing the street, and you may think it's weird when I jump 15 feet in the air whenever I see a car making a left-hand turn in front of me. I know my phobia is strange. But now at least it's not totally unfounded.

(And if those strangers in the car ever read this -- it's okay, guys. I was never going to sue you. But I will accept donations towards my inevitable therapy sessions. You can make checks or money orders payable to Tara, the girl who will forever be terrified of large vehicular objects.)

<3tara

the times they are a changin

So, faithful readers, Tracy and I have reached a turning point: we are no longer blogging from the same room.

This past weekend, we both moved out of our beautiful suite in Centennial and resigned ourselves to communal bathrooms for the next three months. Tracy is still living in the Southside dorms, and I am embarking on my first Northside experience in Hughes. This summer promises lots of blogworthy adventures (Tracy has a new roommate! Tara has a new job! Tracy and Tara will conquer DC in their spare time!), so stay tuned.

<3tara

edit: So I'm not actually sure if I'm allowed to edit Tara's posts, but I felt like this needed to be added to the list of blogworthy adventures: Tracy will date a lot of men in her spare time!

But maybe that's just wishful thinking. haha.

<3tracy

:(

I have officially moved out of the suite and there is most definitely a hole in my heart.

:( Sad day.

<3tracy

why is it....

....that my suitemate having pink eye and warning me to keep my hands away from my eyes makes me want to touch my eyes more than I've ever wanted to in my life?


<3tracy

oh, finals week

things I have done today

- showered

- finished my laundry

- played (and lost) many games of Tetris

- watched old videos of OASN performances on YouTube

- Facebooked

- checked my email

- eaten a bowl of cereal

- sang along to Belle & Sebastian

- reassured Tracy

- organized my closet

- Facebooked again

- contemplated packing

- made lunch plans

- Facebooked some more

- blogged

things I have not done today

- studied for my final

<3tara

guest post!!!!

Hello all! Eric Piccirelli here doing the first GUEST BLOG for TBD!!!! You are excited!!!

For the last six months I had been growing a massive quantity of facial hair and last week IT ALL CAME OFF! And now you shall observe the wonderful shaving process from beginning to end!!!

STEP 1: FULL BEARD

STEP 2: HAIR-FREE CHEEKS

STEP 3: CHINSTRAP/GOATEE

STEP 4: GOATEE

STEP 5: MUSTACHE

STEP 6: CLEAN SHAVEN with VEST!

And there you have it! My wonderful transformation!

<3eric

me and roxanne watching 'the hills have eyes'

Scene: Roxanne and I are in her bed watching 'The Hills Have Eyes.' At this point, one of the mutants is fighting with the protagonist. There's a lot of blood.

Me: Oh my god! I can't look! *I bury my head in a pillow*
Roxanne: Okay, I'll just tell you what's happening.
Roxanne: He just stabbed the mutant in the foot.
Me: Eeeek!
Roxanne: Now he just pulled the flag out of that dead guy's head and stabbed the mutant in the throat. Blood is pouring out.
Me: Ewww!!
Roxanne: Now he has the ax.
Roxanne: Okay, he just axed him in the face.
Me: Ahhhhh!!!
Roxanne: Alright, he's pretty dead.
Me: Thanks for the play by play.
Roxanne: No problem.

<3tracy

it's dragging by so slowly....

2 days
48 hours
2880 minutes
172800 seconds

until freedom. Will I make it? Tune in this time Monday afternoon to find out.

I know, I know. The suspense must be killing you.

<3tracy

oh, they're like separated?

Last night Meg Miraglia and I were sitting next to one another at the OASN concert (which was awesome, btw) and sitting across the aisle from us was a girl in seriously horrifying pink, suede, fringed boots*. I turned to Meg and said "Can we please just talk about this girls boots?"

Meg starts scanning the crowd and looking really confused.

Meg: Trace, I don't know what you're talking about.
Me: Right there, across the aisle!! How can you miss them.

She scans the crowd again.

Meg: Oh, they're like separated**?

At this point I was totally confused. Why, I wondered, is she looking at all those girls, you can't even see their feet!! How could she be missing those hideous boots! Then it ocurred to me.

Me: I said BOOTS NOT BOOBS.
Meg: Ohhhh, that makes sense. I was looking around and thinking, "Trace, I'm not seeing anything out of control here..." Oh, and yeah, how could I have missed those boots, they're disgusting.

I must have laughed about his exchange for about 20 minutes, but maybe it was one of those 'you had to be there' moments.

<3tracy

*In addition to those gross boots, I also saw at the concert the elusive 'ugly version of Eric Modrak' that Tara always mentions. I was beginning to doubt his existence, but there he was sitting just five rows ahead of me, looking suspiciously like Eric Modrak. I sent Eric a text message that said 'Spotted: the ugly version of you, at the OASN concert' (the only thing Eric loves more than sending 'spotted' texts is receiving them from me). Two seconds after I sent this I had a horrible thought: what if it was actually Eric and not his doppelganger and I had called him ugly!! Then I remembered that it was the last day of classes and he was much more likely off getting plastered than sitting at an OASN concert.

** What does that even mean? Haha.

david and the exploding soda machine

David: I just got soda all over my pants! Because God hates me.

Joe: Aw, and they're microfiber...

David: What? Really?

Joe: Yes. Microfiber. I used to golf, okay? We know our microfiber.

David: Oh shit, does that mean I just messed up my really nice pants???

Joe: Well, yeah, but don't worry -- it's microfiber.

nick's observations from the windows of the library

"Who plays croquet? Really?? And then there's that guy sitting in a kiddie pool. Our campus is so weird."

spending my sunday in the library: pros and cons

Pros

- AIR-CONDITIONING. This is my primary reason for being a real college student and acquainting myself with the second floor of the library. It is 90 degrees and humid and the dorms make me want to die.

- Comfortable couches.

- The wonderful company of Stephanie and Nicholas.

Cons

- Being forced to confront the overwhelming amounts of information I should have already learned. Studying sucks.

- Sitting in front of a huge window that taunts me with views of of other, happier AU students getting tan on the quad.

- Listening to the loud, obnoxious people enter the second floor from the stairwell. (To the girl who spent five minutes detailing her drunken weekend before commenting, "Wow, this floor is sooooo quiet!" -- YES. GOOD POINT. I believe this is the "quiet floor" of the library. FOR A REASON.)

Can we fast forward to May 7, please?

<3tara

i love data entry! not.

I know my day is off to a good start when I find myself typing the follow entry:

Robert Pinto, Jr.
Chairman, Ewiiaapaayp Band of Kumeyaay Indians

If only I got paid by the vowel...

<3tara

it never ends

You know those trick candles that keep burning no matter how many times you blow them out? Well I'm convinced that the same company that manufactures those candles is also manufacturing my to-do lists because no matter how many things I cross of, somehow the list just keeps getting longer.

16 more days!

<3tracy

by the way, i am a creepy stalker person.

Tracy and I have already blogged about the Mormon couple that we're obsessed with -- we follow their blog religiously and are determined to "casually run into them" now that they've moved from New York to DC. (We'll have a lot of spare time this summer. It will happen.)

But I have COMPLETELY OVERLOOKED the fact that Kal Penn (from "Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle," the greatest stoner movie ever made) is apparently living in DC and working for the Obama administration. I usually lie when people ask me who my celebrity crush is, but I will admit to you all that I am inexplicably obsessed with Kal Penn. So now I have even more of an excuse to wander aimlessly around the Northwest quadrant for the next three months, hoping for a chance encounter.

The District is only so big. Anything is possible.

<3tara

dear DC-area weather...

Why do you tease me like this? You had me all excited for summer by giving me a weekend full of sunshine, clear skies, and temperatures in the 70s -- only to crush all my dreams with a cold and rainy Monday morning. After pulling out my flip-flops and sundresses, now I'm back in rainboots and scarves. I know you think you can do whatever you want and blame your mood swings on global warming, but this isn't fair to me. You can't just build me up and tear me down week after week. Can I finally put my sweaters into storage? Should I stock up on sunscreen? Can I start camping out on the quad, or do I have to prepare for flash floods?

Make up your mind. 

Sincerely,

Tara

<3tara

a life goal accomplished

So anyone who really knows me knows that I have an unhealthy addiction to reading the missed connections postings on Craigslist. For those of you who aren't familiar, people post looking for people they had passing encounters with like on a train, in a store, elevator, etc. I read these postings RELIGIOUSLY. And I do so for a few reasons:

1) Pure entertainment value.
2) I always hope that I'll have witnessed a missed connection happen and will then read about it later.
3) I secretly hope that someday someone will post one for me.

Well readers, it's finally happened! Yesterday I got off work early so I decided to head to Rockville to go to AC Moore to get some craft supplies for my next project. I got on at Union Station and there were these ADORABLE little boys (like 4 and 8) sitting in front of me. I chatted with the littler one for a couple of minutes (his name was Nate) and then their uncle sat down next to me. The kids, their parents, and their uncle got off at Friendship Heights and I stayed on the train to White Flint. This morning, I was reading the missed connections when I saw this:

If you can't read it it says:

"You were the beautiful woman I was sitting next to when I got on the Red Line toward Shady Grove. My nephews were sitting in front of us and I wanted to ask for your number. I hope you get this and write me. We were smiling as I looked back at you when I got off at Friendship."


Finally, a life goal I can check off my list!

<3tracy

things i am on

-ibuprofen
-antibiotics
-sudafed
-zycam
-my death bed

<3tracy

the worst part about living in a dorm...

(besides very thin walls and too much noise and broken appliances and cold showers and gross dishes in the lounge and everything else that I hate with a passion) is being in close proximity to so many germs. 

Tracy and I are sick. It sucks because it's the kind of sick that doesn't make us feel bad enough to skip class, but it makes us sound bad enough to cause our friends to wonder if we've been sneaking three packs of cigarettes a day. I'm talking serious gross raspy coughs. We both went to the Health Center hoping that someone would give us a miracle cure, but instead we both got $40 bills and advice that our mothers could have told us. gahhhhhhh. 

I'm especially bitter about being sick right now because it's Holy Week and I want to be able to sing the Easter hymns. I know I'm lame.

<3tara

the joys of working for the federal government

Today I overheard this conversation between two of my coworkers:

Coworker 1: Hey, man. So I kind of underestimated the secrecy of that document I sent you.
Coworker 2: Oh, yeah? So how secret is it exactly?
Coworker 1: Like, super. It is super secret.
Coworker 2: Ummm...okay then, that might be a problem.

<3tracy

things i have done so far at my internship today

- drank 3 cups of black coffee (because the kitchen is out of sugar, and also because I'm trying to be a little bit more of a badass)
- made an appointment at the Health Center to get some drugs for my myseterious illness
- listened to every single Belle & Sebastian song on my iPod (and if you have any sense of my music library, you should know that this is no small feat)
- familiarized myself with my Facebook newsfeed
- brushed my hair
- calculated the amount of menthol that would be in my system if I finished my entire bag of cough drops
- daydreamed about the summer
- considered the fact that I should probably be more productive before I get fired

<3tara

how to tell when something comes from costco.

The nutrition label on my bag of milk chocolate M&Ms reads as follows:

Calories: 280
Serving size: 1.5 oz or 1/4 cup
Servings per container: 38

Thanks, Costco. I love you for fulfilling all of my chocolately needs for weeks to come.

<3tara

a milestone!

We're celebrating our 100th post here at To Be Determined!!!!! To celebrate, we are bringing you a list of 100 things that Tara and Tracy love to hate. Enjoy. And make you sure you read our next 100 posts.


1. couples
2. love
3. couples in love
4. people who say we're bitter
5. brussels sprouts (not to be confused with trent's blog, which is awesome)
6. classes
7. homework
8. vacuuming
9. the shuttle
10. cisco clean access
11. snow
12. wind
13. cold
14. winter
15. socks with sandals
16. certain beards (the gross mountain man kinds -- you know what we mean)
17. tights as pants
18. jobs
19. cubicles
20. people who leave their gross dishes in the lounge for weeks on end
21. package hours
22. textbooks
23. escalefters
24. when the toaster in tdr is at that awkward speed that won't toast your bagel when you put it through once, but will burn it when you put it through twice
25. TDR PDA
26. the new facebook
27. the way mcdowell smells
28. drunk people in our nook (excluding us -- it's OUR nook)
29. creepers at guapo's who steal our 5 dollars
30. creepers at guapo's who won't take a hint when our gay friends are trying to rescue us
31. creepers in general
32. girls who somehow manage to look amazing for their 8:30 am classes
33. whole milk
34. when tdr is out of dishes
35. delays on the red line
36. small closets
37. small freezers that can't fit a pint of ice cream
38. washing dishes
39. alarm clocks
40. the weird wind tunnel by mckinley
41. artificial metro winds
42. bad hair days
43. sunburns
44. people who don't sunburn
45. laundry
46. dryers that shrink laundry
47. people who leave their laundry in the dryer for days
48. the fact that we are those people
49. humidity
50. tourists who don't understand the metro and ask a million times where they should get off for "the smithsonian"
51. waiting
52. finishing things we start
53. fluorescent light
54. thin dorm walls
55. mondays
56. tuesdays
57. actually, every week day
58. the fact that this campus is so small that we can't go to tdr without running into someone we once made out with
59. country music
60. commercials on television
61. late fees at the library
62. passive-aggression
63. rush hour fare on the metro
64. people who give us funny looks when we sing and dance along to our ipods on the metro
65. bratty children
66. parents who give in to bratty children
67. tests
68. research papers
69. studying
70. all-nighters
71. deadlines
72. getting sick
73. going to the health center when we're sick only to be told we're pregnant
74. people who don't recycle
75. the wireless internet on campus
76. camp bread
77. mosquito bites
78. drama
79. the fact that a little part of us secretly loves drama
80. people who live on higher floors and yell at us for using the elevator
81. beer
82. professors who can't speak english
83. professors who don't have office hours
84. contact sports
85. watching sports on tv
86. sports in general
87. the weird sounds our fridge makes
88. when we forget to buy milk
89. when people we know from class stop saying hi to us
90. people who ask questions in big lecture classes
91. cold showers
92. laundry forests
93. those days when we think it's later in the week when it actually is and we realize the weekend is farther away than we imagined
94. cliffhangers
95. science
96. lab reports
97. that brand of crest premium toothpaste that tastes disgusting
98. blogs that are funnier than ours
99. blogs that aren't as funny as ours
100. people who don't read our blog

why yes, tracy and tara have conversations online while sitting in the same room.

Tara: creepy creepy creep creep
Tracy: creepier creep creep
Tara: creeeeeeeeeeeeep
Tracy: creeeeeeeeeeeeeeep creeper
Tara: why are we having this conversation
Tracy: cuz you're a creep
Tracy: creep
Tara: you are too, creepy creeper creep creep
Tracy: creepity creep creepster
Tracy: CREEP
Tara: creepity creep creep
Tracy: C R E E P
Tracy: E
Tracy: R

tara has recently brought it to my attention...

...that I am the layover between straightland and gaytown.

fuck my life.

<3tracy

sorry, faithful followers!

So I know it seems like we've been lame and neglected to update this blog for an entire week. But don't worry -- the reason that we've been taking so long is because we're planning an AMAZING COMMEMORATIVE POST to mark the 100th post of To Be Determined!!!! So get excited. It's coming soon.

In other news, Tracy and I are the worst college students ever. I don't know whether it's spring fever (something in the cherry blossoms, maybe???) or a sophomore slump, but we are less motivated than ever before. And considering we didn't have much motivation to begin with, that's really saying something. Today, we each had to finish short papers that we both seriously considered blowing off. Then we both procrastinated for many hours, reading our Mormon friends' blog (who now live in the Eastern Market area, btw!!! the future stalking possibilities are ENDLESS). And then we eventually sucked it up and finished our work, with some seriously sub-par end results.

The good news: Tracy's paper is for a class that she's taking pass-fail.
The bad news: Mine isn't.

j,ehrleijnt;jioegahwasgyfduyewfghwor;hny


<3tara

the best part of waking up, is britney in asl

<3tracy

Villanofun!

<3tracy

things said during an episode of bravo's "millionaire matchmaker"

"I hope you like toys. It's called the whipper-tickler..."

"Tongues do NOT belong on eyeballs!"

"Aw, a stripper pole...that makes me miss Pi Kapp."

i feel like a cliche.

I didn't realize I was wearing green today until my Spanish professor pointed out how festive my outfit looked.

go drink some beer, kids.

<3tara

reasons why i am starting to resent my job

So remember my awesome job in the library that lets me do whatever I want when I'm not answering the door?

NO MORE. Gone are the days where I can hide in my cubicle, checking my email and reading random people's blogs and eating granola bars and doing my homework. My boss keeps training me to do new things, giving me more responsibility, and assigning me "fun" little side projects. I don't know what she's thinking. It's like I'm an actual employee.

I wanted to get through two Newsweeks this morning, and I haven't had time to touch them. How will I ever know what's happening in the world (or, more accurately, what was happening a couple weeks ago)???

Plus I got a paper cut while I was sorting books.

And I'm missing Honors Cake Day.

Bah.

<3tara

i. am. speechless.

Watch this. Seriously. You won't be sorry.



I am IN LOVE with this film.

<3tracy

mmmmm....

Dear Whole Foods cheese danish,

Where have you been all my life? You complete me.

<3tracy

why we are super creeps

When I was a kid, I had an imaginary friend. Her name was Sally and she lived in New York City, which was, at that time, conveniently located in my parents' closet. Sally had a cat named Treeme and we were the best of friends until she disappeared one day. She was probably murdered, you know living in NYC and all, and I someday hope her story will inspire an episode of Law and Order: SVU.

When Tara was a kid, her imaginary friend was a golden retriever named Chloe. That's right, she could be imaginary friends with ANYONE and she chose a dog.

Anyways, most people stop having imaginary friends around the age of 8. But Tara and I, well we still have them.

Most recently we've imaginary friended a Mormon couple that lives in New York City. We read their blog religiously and then wish that we could have bangs like the girl. We are such good imaginary friends with them that Tara actually texted me the moment she found out they were moving to DC. Now is our chance to turn this imaginary friendship into a real friendship!

Wish us luck.

<3tracy

i know i've already posted twice today, but...

I'm having a little panic attack. Why?


eBay.


The other night Tara purchased a moderately priced print on eBay and we began discussing how we've always been afraid of eBay. Then I started thinking about how silly it is that I'm afraid of eBay.

So today when I saw two lots of back issues of my FAVORITE magazine, I decided to overcome my fear. I bid on both lots. I only had to bid on the first one once but for some reason I kept getting outbid on the second lot. Apparently some other bidder set up an automatic bid thing. Infuriated, I thought 'I'm not going to be outbid by this bitch!' So I kept bidding. And then I bid some more. And some more. Until finally I was the highest bidder.

Unfortunately now I'm looking at spending close to $50 on 24 issues of this magazine that I probably don't need. And now I'm panicking and secretly hoping someone outbids me. But then another part of me thinks, PDF back issues are $5 each online so this is a really good deal!

I should not be allowed to eBay. Ever.

<3tracy

spring break update

True to my word, a Tracy-and-Tara-style spring break includes:

1. going to bed every night at 11:00 pm (no, seriously. i know.)
2. waking up before 8:00 am every morning to go to work
3. buying ridiculous things at estate sales, flea markets, and thrift stores
4. eating a half-gallon of cookies & creme ice cream
5. blogging at work
6. getting haircuts
7. realizing we haven't had any human interaction outside of hanging out with carrie, charlotte, samantha, and miranda
8. forgetting to do any homework
9. living in denial about going back to classes
10. not getting tan

<3tara

they pay me $14.25/hour for this?

This is how bored I am at work today.

Can I really do this all summer?


53 days. And you better believe I'm counting.


<3tracy

note to self:

Note to self: Buy a Pennywell Miniature pig. ASAP.

<3tracy

it's days like this when i wish my life were a romantic comedy

So today, I was late to work*. So when I walked out of Union Station, I was walking pretty quickly. Unfortunately, I failed to notice that the ground was VERY wet. And of course my shoes have NO traction, whatsoever.

Wet ground + fast walking + cute but impractical shoes = EPIC FAIL

I'm not joking, guys. I fell. Hard.

Now if my life were a romantic comedy, I might not have minded so much because, invariably, a cute man would have been walking right behind me. He would have laughed at me a little and then stopped to help me up. Then we would have promptly fallen in love.

Unfortunately my life is not a romantic comedy and it was the old man handing out copies of The Express that stopped to help me up.

All-in-all, a perfectly embarrassing moment, wasted.

Maybe tomorrow.

<3tracy

*I'm blaming daylight savings time. How can anyone honestly expect me to get out of my bed when it's STILL DARK OUTSIDE!? Nope. Not happening.

normal college students vs. grandmothers

Anderson 3 Lounge, Friday, 9:00 pm

Marty: Are we drinking tonight? Do you guys want to drink?? I mean, to be honest, I already started a little bit...
Tara: Wait...what? Tonight?
Tracy: We have to get our apple crisp out of the oven.

<3tara

spriiiiing breeeeeak!!!!!!!

This spring break, Tracy and I are partying it up...in our dorm room. We're both staying at school for the week, enjoying a very empty campus and participating in the following activities:

- working. a lot. all week.
- sleeping. a lot. (although this will be slightly hampered by the fact that we'll have to get up for work every morning)
- making our way through a few seasons of Sex & The City
- wishing our lives were a little more fabulous
- grocery shopping
- dreaming of the beach

<3tara

in seven hours....

...I am free.

<3tracy

r.i.p.

Usually this time of midterms I'm dying.

This semester, I'm already dead.


FML.


<3tracy

vows of everlasting love (or, how Steph and I pass notes when we're bored)

Stephanie, will you be my girlfriend? I promise to:

a) never talk about my feelings
b) never, ever spank you
c) be nice, normal, and not a creeper
d) make lots of sexytime

Please let me know. My heart is waiting for you.

Sincerely, Tara

---------------------------------------------

Tara, I accept! In return, I promise to:

a) never be shorter than you
b) go slow the first time
c) read Newsweek to you in bed
d) try really, really hard to have some feelings

I will love you forever.

Yours, Stephanie

i'm not sure what this says about me...

my most recent google searches:

- schedule I drugs
- american university literature department
- gossip girl episodes online
- effectiveness of condoms as contraceptives
- discovery creek children's museum
- k'naan


<3tara

the word epic has taken on a whole new meaning

I don't even know where to start on this one, guys. This weekend was OUT OF CONTROL.

Friday night started at about 11PM when Tara, Lauren, and I went to Hawk 'n' Dove. The universe was giving us all sorts of signs to turn back while we still had the chance. The shuttle took forever. The metro took forever. It was pouring rain when we got of the metro. There was a line out the door and down the street to get in.

While we were in said line, two guys came out and started telling us that we didn't want to go in there because there were too many dudes, and we were like, actually, that sounds okay to us. So we finally get in and it is a mad house! None of us danced by ourselves for more than a couple minutes the whole night. We were just getting passed around from one guy to another. This sounds a little sketchy, but trust me on this one, it was SO FUN.

That is, until I was accosted by a CREEP from Iowa who asked me my name, where I was from, and then if I was a good kisser. At that point, I had a little meltdown and started waving my arms around like crazy trying to get Lauren and Tara's attention. So after I escaped that creeper I thought I was in the clear. But oh how wrong I was.

Even though the place was PACKED with people from out of town (here for CPAC/Powershift), somehow one of my ex-boyfriend's pledge brothers ends up grinding all up on me. So I already feel a little awkward and then not two minutes later I hear him say 'oh, shit'. Then I feel something in my hair and it turns out that HE HAS GOTTEN HIS GUM IN MY HAIR. So at that point I have a complete meltdown and I turn around and am like 'You have got to be kidding me.' So I start freaking out and we go downstairs and he got ice and we tried to freeze it off but after that failed we resorted to cutting it out. THAT'S RIGHT, TARA CUT MY HAIR RIGHT THERE IN HAWK 'N' DOVE. It was traumatic to say the least.

Since it was near the bottom it totally wasn't noticable and I actually wouldn't have minded much if I had even been remotely attracted to the kid. But sadly I was not and that good story of how we met went to waste.

The night ended on a pretty good note, though, because when we tried to get on the Centennial elevator (affectionately known as the Centenevator), the doors opened and there were two kids hooking up in it and we got a pretty good laugh.

The rest of my weekend wasn't particularly epic although I did go to MY FIRST FRAT PARTY. It was at GWU and I have no desire whatsoever to go to another one. Ever. Lame.

But all in all, I have to say that the gum in the hair story is almost as good as our story about that kid peeing on our floor.

Oh, how I love college.

<3tracy

i start to question my line of employment....

when I receive an email from my boss that contains the sentence, "Would you be comfortable handling the tarantula?"

20 years of life experience have not prepared me to figure out how to best answer this question.


<3tara

tara and i are plotting

a new blog is in the works. it could change your life. get ready, kids.

<3tracy

oh, so that's why people keep giving me weird looks on the metro!

Have you ever heard of a silent dance party? Apparently a bunch of people get together with their iPods and everyone dances to whatever they're listening to.

One time someone asked me if I'd ever been to one. I said no.

Today, I was listening to my iPod on the metro when I realized: Every day of my life is a silent dance party.

People may give me weird looks on the metro, but the truth is: I wouldn't have it any other way.

<3tracy

Lenten discipline or personal torture???? you decide.

Confession: I love Lent. 

I also love Advent. It may be kind of weird, but these long periods of waiting and anticipating are more fun for me than the actual Easter and Christmas holidays. It's all about the build-up! (Hey, women like foreplay.)

When I was a kid, some of my friends would gave up chocolate or soda or video games for Lent. I admired them because my parents never made me give up anything. Part of me felt like I was a lazy Christian, but most of me was grateful for having such chill parents.

Now, ten years later, I want to revisit this Lent thing. I mean really do it right -- none of the half-ass promises to give up chocolate while somehow making an exception for TDR cookies, none of the unrealistic resolutions to go to the gym every morning. I want this Lent to count. I want it to hurt. And I don't want to cheat.

So that's why I am (sit down, people) giving up Facebook.*

Yes, you read that right -- the ultimate Facebook creeper is stepping away from the recently updated photo albums, bidding farewell to the wall-to-walls, taking a break from refreshing the news feed, abstaining from chatting in class. This Lent will be a true test of my willpower. 

I'm a little daunted by the days ahead. I don't know what I'm going to do without the constant comfort of Facebook, especially when I'm dying of boredom in my least favorite gen eds. But I'll do it. I'll do it for Jesus. Maybe I'll read the newspaper more, or send more detailed emails to my parents, or have phone conversations with my friends from home, or (here's a thought!) actually focus on my homework. Maybe I'll finally stop creeping on anyone and everyone I know (don't hold your breath). 

So as of tonight, I am saying goodbye to endless, mindless Facebooking and committing myself to being disciplined. Lenten disciplined.

Wish me luck. I'll need it.

<3tara

* When I say "giving up," I should point out that I really mean "severely limiting." I figure that Facebook has become such an integral part of campus life (it's true! I swear!!) that I can't cut it out completely. I'll go on ONCE a day, just ONCE, for NO MORE than 10 minutes, to take care of the stuff that really matters. Like answering my relatives' wall posts and finding out about the next Guapo's night. Trust me, I waste so much of my life on Facebook, this is still an extremely serious sacrifice for me.

i'm glad this issue is finally getting the attention it deserves

reasons I might have to worry about dying alone:

1) I've spent this evening alone in my room
2) eating peanut butter out of the jar
3) with Valentine's chocolates,
4) that I bought for myself.
5) I unwrapped one of said chocolates and on the inside it said, "Be your own valentine."

This does not bode well.

<3tracy

things i have to do this month

- file my FAFSA

- figure out what the hell is going on with my zillion W-2 forms from my zillion jobs

- file my taxes

- realize I have no money

- die

<3tara

vaginas unite!!!

Tonight, Tracy, Steph, Rachel, and I went to go see AU's production of the Vagina Monologues. We learned some important things.

- Every woman should become intimately acquainted with her vagina. 

- SLOW DOWN!

- Cunt is not always a bad word, but a roomful of people who have been taught that it is will still feel uncomfortable shouting it.

- The clitoris has more nerve endings than any other part of the female or male body. It totally beats out the penis. So there.

- There are many different kinds of moans, including the Beyonce moan ("To the left! TO THE LEFT!!!!") and the Obama moan ("Yes...we....CANNNN!"), but the greatest and most accurate is the College Student moan ("Ohh...I should be studying right now...ohhh...ohhhh NO, what if my roommate can hear us???")

- Vaginas have personalities of their own. Tracy and I are working on names.

Happy belated V-Day, everyone.

<3tara

my apologies, dear readers

Why am I apologizing?

Well I just read Tara's last few entries. And they made me laugh out loud. Then I realized I haven't blogged in over a week. Thus I concluded: I am a bad blogger.

My fall from grace has a number of causes. Among them:

~I have a job.

Yeah, I know I basically get paid to sit in a cubicle and do my homework, so why don't I have time to blog? The truth is, I'm really afraid of being caught not doing the work that they aren't giving me to do. That makes no sense. Whatever.

~I have a lazy ass.

This is actually the real reason I haven't been blogging more. The first one just sounded more legit.

So in conclusion, I'm sorry. I promise to blog more. Really. I promise. Soon.

<3tracy

obviously, zach and i do not have future careers in linguistic anthropology.

(Over Facebook chat, because Zach and I are in separate rooms attempting to finish our homework for Linguistics class tomorrow)

Zach: I don't know why I'm complaining about this, but I can't do our Language and Culture reading...

Zach: I just had to vent.

Tara: I know. Are you trying to read the super long and crazy one?

Zach: Well, before I discuss what I'm reading, I will find it necessary to define what I mean, exactly, by long, and by crazy, because I will often have occasion to use said terms. The very juxtaposition of "long" with "crazy" implies that long is a descriptive adjective. While I do not disagree with the descriptive functions of long, I do believe that it becomes necessary to embrace the contradiction within "long," which I will represent by 1) using French a couple times, and 2) pulling copious amounts of shit out of my ass.

Tara: FUCK THIS CLASS.

<3tara

i'm beginning to feel a little like Pavlov's dog.

So I have this new job at the library, which is awesome because I have really convenient hours and I don't have to commute anywhere off-campus, and not-so-awesome because I sometimes want to kill myself when I'm trapped in this tiny cubicle for hours on end.

I work in the Acquisitions department, which is in charge of handling all of the mail that comes in and out of the library. My job basically consists of the following:

- listening for the doorbell. Whenever the doorbell rings, I have to drop whatever I'm doing and answer it. Sometimes I have to sign for some packages, sometimes I have to deliver mail to library employees...but usually I just have to be there to physically open the door.

That's it.

Seriously. They hired me to listen for the doorbell. Which usually rings between 0 and 5 times during my four-hour shift.

So in the meantime, I'm usually engaged in the following activities:

- hiding out in my cubicle, trying to avoid my boss (who will remember that I'm an actual employee when she sees me and give me additional projects like filing forms, alphabetizing books, checking call numbers, and addressing packages)
- checking my email
- thinking about reading my textbooks
- ending up on Facebook
- watching the clock
- dying

But then I think about the fact that I'm getting paid for this shit, and I feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

<3tara

why i think amanda may have a gambling problem

"The poker game hasn't started yet and I'm so pissed. I just want to make some money tonight!!! Is that too much to ask? I'll play anything. Seriously. Scrabble, Monopoly, anything. Let's go."

everything my 7th grade health teacher never wanted me to learn about drugs

In order to finish up a science requirement, Steph and I are taking a psychology class called Drugs & Behavior. Basically, we spend an hour on Mondays and Thursdays listening to Maria (the greatest professor of all time) impart all of her knowledge about illegal substances. In a cute Spanish accent. 

The following are just a few of her pearls of wisdom:

"This isn't a class where we are going to judge each other. You can be honest with me. I mean, in my opinion, marijuana is pretty much God's gift to humans."

"If you are looking to experiment with hallucinogens, the research shows that college is the best time to do it. Just so you know. LSD is a youth drug, and it is not addictive."

"When people are high on amphetamines, it's just remarkable to see. ...Not that I've seen it or anything. But it's really wild."

"I'm telling you all these street names for crack cocaine just in case you get offered some on the street. I mean, if someone offered me some 'candy,' I think I would say yes."

"Just so you know, E is not actually ecstasy, but the effects are pretty much the same. Just in case you get offered some, you should know that you can take either."

"Remember that taking drugs intravenously gives you the best high."

"I want to show you some videos of people taking heroin. It's really neat!"

"They will still prescribe opiates for pain. If you go to the doctor and complain of a bad cough, you will go home with a bottle of codeine. ...Not that I'm giving you any ideas, guys."

"In my opinion, the gateway theory is very wrong. Basically, smoking weed will not lead you to do crack."

<3tara

why did i spend so much time searching for a job again?

It is 65 degrees and sunny.

I am sitting in a cubicle.


<3tara

my life may finally be complete

Remember Olsson's Books in Dupont? As sad as I am that it's gone, guess what is coming to that location:

Something called Wagamama. Why am I so excited about this? IT'S A RESTAURANT DEVOTED TO RAMEN.

ramen + tracy = <3


YAY.

<3tracy

nice girls finish last

Scene: After visiting four different laundry rooms in hopes of finding an open machine, I have a meltdown in the Anderson 3 South laundry room. I tried to beat the washing machine in submission only to fail miserably and spiral into a fit of theatrical sobbing.

Ponytail Steve: I think you need to chill out, man.
Me: You want to know what I think, I think I need some fucking Valium!
Ponytail Steve: When did you start swearing? And taking Valium? I thought you were a nice girl!

<3tracy

love is in the air

Lauren: What are we doing for Valentines Day?

Cliff: How would you feel if I made you dinner?

Lauren: What food do you have?

Cliff: Well, with what I have now...I could make you a vodka sandwich. But I would have to borrow some bread.

Steph (via text message): So did you sexy sexy or just kiss?

zoo day with billy and hargadon!!

On Sunday Tara and I went to the zoo with Roxanne and Eric and Eric's friends Billy and Hargadon*. Good times were had by all.

We met some animal statues.

We rode some bears.
I got some bottle-nosed lovin'.

I scared some children.

Oh yeah, and we saw some turtles getting it on.

All in all, a good day. Well maybe not for that kid that I scared. Or that female turtle. But at least the weather was nice, right?

<3tracy

*We spent most of our travel time to the zoo practicing saying Hargadon's name (its actually his last name) but we kept hitting this mental block and calling him Hagerdorn. Below is an actual transcript of our actual conversation:

Eric: Hargadon.
Roxanne: Hagerdorn?
Tara: Hagerdorn! What!?
Tracy: Hagerdon?
Eric: HAR-GA-DON.
Tracy and Roxanne: Hargadon? Hargadon.
Tara: Hargadon? Hagerdorn.
Roxanne: Can we just call him Andrew?
Eric: No one calls him Andrew.
Tracy: I bet his mother calls him Andrew.
Roxanne: Hargadon.

[enter Billy and Hargadon]

Hargadon: You can just call me Andrew.