Not because we did anything particularly badass, like burn our draft cards or trespass onto School of Americas property. We might have been okay with risking arrest if we were true revolutionaries. But we just wanted to exercise our right to assemble in our nation's capital -- you know, the First Amendment and all that jazz? A pretty lame reason to get in trouble.
Because there were plans for a nationwide protest against the Defense of Marriage Act on January 10, Ryan and I assumed that we would be able to attend something in DC when we came back from winter break. But after checking Facebook (my source for ultimate truth about the world around me), we realized that there wasn't anything planned....so we decided to put something together ourselves.
Unfortunately, we didn't take into account one important detail: it's January, and Barack Obama's impending inauguration threatens to be the biggest bash DC has ever seen. Apparently inauguration months are similar to times of war -- no one knows quite what to expect, all the important people are stressed out, and our basic rights are no longer guaranteed. For example, we found out that NO ONE is allowed to hold a demonstration on the mall. And when we submitted a permit to hold our protest in a different part of the city, we found out that NO ONE gets their paperwork approved when the National Park Service is busy fortifying the area for an attack. Or a parade. Or whatever.
But, bless our little activist hearts, that didn't stop us! We switched our venue from "protest" to "gathering" and kept advertising for the event. Until Ryan almost had a heart attack.
Ryan: Ohmigosh. FML. FML!!!
Tara: What does that mean?
Ryan: FUCK MY LIFE.
Tara: Why???
Ryan: What if all of the work that we've been doing pays off, our advertising is effective, and hundreds of people show up to this "gathering"?
Tara: That's a good thing.
Ryan: No, that's a PROTEST. That's a type of event we're NOT PERMITTED TO HOLD. That's something the Metropolitan Police will NOTICE. And then they'll ask who's in charge, and then they'll ARREST ME.
Tara: They will not.
Ryan: Yes they will, because my name is all over the permit. The permit that GOT REJECTED.
Tara: My name is on it too! I'm the one who submitted it.
Ryan: Then they'll arrest you too! WHY ARE WE DOING THIS???!?!? I CANNOT HAVE A RECORD.
Tara: Calm down!
Ryan: I have to call my mentor and figure this out. FML.
After Ryan stopped having this meltdown, he had another one. And another. Finally, we pulled ourselves together and showed up to our non-protest (or "non-test," as Ryan lovingly referred to it) prepared to defend our cause to the MPDC. And no one came.
That's not entirely true. About ten dedicated people came. But there were none of the crowds that we anticipated, none of the 100 confirmed guests on Facebook (so much for ultimate truth), and certainly none of the scary police officers. We had a nice, calm gathering in a circle with no fear of imminent incarceration. We collected a couple of signatures for our petition despite the freezing rain. And then we called it quits due to a serious lack of umbrellas, sat around in Starbucks, and enjoyed the sweet taste of freedom.
Ryan: Well, maybe it would have been kind of cool if we had been arrested. Like, not really arrested. But scared of being arrested.
Tara: You were already scared of being arrested.
Ryan: But what if a police car had passed us and we imagined them looking at us and we thought they were pissed? We would have been so freaked out!
Tara: I think we were already freaking out a little.
Ryan: Yeah, but I kind of wanted it to be based in reality.
So no need to post our bail, friends -- we made it home safely after successfully organizing our first unauthorized protest. Which was really more like a handful of LGBT-friendly people hanging out on a Saturday afternoon. Which was much less epic that we imagined it in our freaked-out minds.
Our mothers are so proud.
<3tara
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