things that make a Saturday morning great

- ignoring my alarm and going back to sleep because I don't have to be at work this weekend
- taking a shower after all of my roommates and still having hot water
- eating pie for breakfast at TDR
- avoiding my homework by blogging


<3 tara

wall-to-awesome?

Cliff's wall-to-wall with his audio production professor.

words to live by

"Sniffling is one thing, but snotting all over your arm is a COMPLETELY different story." - Lauren

OMG! WTF! TDR PDA!

Today I witnessed the most horrendous TDR PDA offense OF MY LIFE*. Emily and I were walking by the fries and I look to my left and right there out in the open these two weirdos are TOTALLY MACKING IT. Like, mouths wide open, tongues down each others' throats. IN THE MIDDLE OF TDR!!!!!

I found it difficult to conceal my disgust. I'm actually a little surprised I didn't vomit right then and there. I just grabbed Emily, pointed at the offenders (who were still sucking face) and said very loudly 'OH MY GOD! THOSE KIDS ARE MAKING OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF TDR!' and I hear some other girl (who is pointing in their direction) say 'WHY IS THIS HAPPENING!?'

Needless to say, I lost my appetite after this and I suspect I'm going experience some serious PTSD the next time I go to TDR. I'm going to need some serious psychological counseling.

<3tracy

*Yes, it was worse than that TDR couple that walks around, holding hands, with the girl carrying the plate and the guy putting food on it. BARF.

we <3 grant potter

"Fucking broccoli! It's like eating a forest!"

"Come on guys, trying to be funnier than overheard at AU is like trying to be smarter than Wikipedia."

mother always said i had no heart

Yesterday our biology lab was to measure our heart rate during various activities. This has raised some very big concerns for me.

First, when I tried to use a stethoscope to listen to my heart, I had no heart beat. Trust me, I tried to find it for a long time. It wasn't there. Maybe my mom was right all those times she told me I didn't have a heart. Or maybe it's three sizes too small, Grinch style.

Then, we started using the heart rate monitor. My lab partner started the software we were using to monitor our heart rate but there was one problem: the software said I WAS A COLD, HEARTLESS BITCH. Okay well it didn't actually say that. But it wasn't registering my heart rate. Eventually we figured out that I was holding the monitor the wrong way and soon, satisfying little red spikes were dancing across the screen.

And when I say dancing, I mean REALLY dancing. Apparently I have a very excitable heart. Just going from lying down to standing made it spike 60 beats per minute. Can you imagine what would happen if I ever fell in love at first sight?! It would probably kill me! My heart would literally burst!

So to celebrate my having confirmed that I do in fact have a heart after all, I bring you some heart-y songs!!

Heart Cooks Brain - Modest Mouse


O My Heart - Mother Mother


<3tracy

i <3

<3tracy

Tracy, my hero

11:00 am:  A trapezoid bug (you know, one of those gross, weirdly-shaped beetles that find their way into the dorms sometimes) spotted on our window

11:03 am:  Communal shrieks from Tracy and Tara

11:05 am:  "My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die!" -Tracy, brandishing a handful of toilet paper and trying to remember the funny parts in The Princess Bride

11:06 am:  Tracy flushes the bug after a string of EW EW EW EW EWs

11:07 am:  "VICTORY!" -Tracy, with fist in the air

11:10 am:  I return to my textbooks and my pita chips in peace, forever indebted to my fearless, bug-squashing roommate

<3tara

promises for thursday

1) I promise to blog about the Striking Viking Story Pirates soon. Very soon.
2) I promise to stop kidding myself by setting my alarm clock for 7AM (sorry Tara!)
3) I promise that I will never were spandex as pants. Ever.

<3tracy

Obamarama

Time we woke up this morning:  3:00 am

Metro fare at rush hour rates:  $4.50 round trip

Average temperature in DC:  22 degrees

Length of time we stood on the National Mall:  7 hours

Number of people on the mall:  over 2 million

Number of tries it took to peel Lauren's blanket off of the icy ground, where it was firmly frozen in place:  8

Number of times we vocalized our concerns about frostbite:  75

Amount of clothing I wore:  6 layers, 3 pairs of socks, 2 scarves

Number of granola bars I ate to sustain myself:  4

Level of exhaustion I am currently experiencing, on a scale of 1 to 10:  15

Witnessing the historic inauguration of the United States' first African-American president:  PRICELESS

<3tara

: )

Despite all the little annoyances (read: fire alarms, cold cold cold, too much homework) this weekend shaped up to be pretty fantastic.

Next on the blogging agenda: STRIKING VIKING STORY PIRATES: a theatrical review

<3tracy

party like a Barack star!!!

Inauguration Weekend madness has finally descended on DC -- complete with millions of people, serious gridlock, lots of fancy balls, and (best of all) a free star-studded concert in front of the Lincoln Memorial.

Since the temperature has been hovering around a RIDICULOUS 10 DEGREES lately, I was going to be a wuss and skip the concert. Luckily, though, Steph and Rachel convinced me to suck it up, put on 6 layers, pack a granola bar, and trek out to the mall for a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

Famous people that I was really excited to see:

- KAL PENN. It's kind of embarrassing that I was most excited to see him, but I love him beyond compare.

- Beyoncé. Although I have one complaint: I know this was supposed to be strictly patriotic, but would it have killed her to break out into "Single Ladies" at the end???

- Shakira

- Denzel Washington. Badass.

- Bruce Springsteen

- Bono. I felt like a better, more-likely-to-save-Africa person in his presence.

- Sheryl Crow

- and, of course, my man Barack Obama, whose voice I never get tired of listening to. Seriously. Is that creepy?

Best parts about the day:

- overpriced hot chocolate that kept us warm

- three-way spooning that also kept us warm

- riding the metro back without getting trampled

Worst parts about the day:

- potential frostbite (I was really afraid that my toes would fall off)

- the VERY obnoxious tweens who were standing in front of us

- spending way too much money on hot dogs

- hearing the name "Lincoln" 3746586 times (Tom Hanks, I'm talking to you)

Stay tuned for reports of our adventures on the mall on Inauguration Day!

<3tara

to my beautiful roommate

Tara,

Tonight you established yourself as the greatest roommate of all time. Thank you for everything. I am forever indebted to you. Like for the rest of eternity. I know you said you didn't want my first born child, but if you change your mind, it's all yours. And I promise to do the dishes all the time. And bake you a giant cake. You rock. I love you more than you can imagine.

<3tracy

open letter to the girl sitting across from me at the dav

You are the most obnoxious person I've ever encountered. Just because your professor is German does not mean that he cannot talk about morals or pacifism. In case you hadn't noticed, being German and being a Nazi are two different things. I kindly request that you please shut the fuck up and let me do my reading in peace.

<3tracy

a typical horrible evening at TDR

It's 7:00 pm, and Lauren and I are among the swarm of students crowding the dining hall.

Everything looks gross, so I toast some bread for an egg salad sandwich. Of course, the toaster is perpetually broken and barely warms my bread, but I'm too lazy to put it in again.

There is no egg salad. I am distraught. I resign myself to peanut butter and jelly, even though I could have eaten that in the comfort of my dorm room.

There is no peanut butter. My world is crashing down around me. I create the most pathetic sandwich ever with strawberry jam and barely-warmed bread. 

As I head for my seat, I see a fresh container of egg salad! After a few tortured minutes of guilt over my wastefulness, I throw away my sad excuse for sandwich and make a new, far superior dinner.

Lauren and I have chosen a table right next to a guy I made out with once. He probably doesn't recognize me, but I sense awkward vibes. Note to self: stay away from rugby parties.

After one bite of my egg salad sandwich, my mouth is burning. There is so much pepper in it, I think I might die. After drinking an entire glass of water, I have to throw away yet another sandwich. I am convinced that Jesus hates me.

I eat an apple and call it a night. It's ramen for me from now on, baby.

<3tara

a newfound appreciation for the metro

Today, Tara and I went to U St. to meet Lauren for lunch since it's her first day of her new internship. I was already downtown so I met Tara at the Chinatown stop. While waiting on the platform for her, no less than a dozen beautiful men passed by me.

After enjoying some flirty eye contact (and a little extremely intense eye fucking) I got really angry. I just can't figure out why there are obviously many attractive men in this city, BUT NONE OF THEM GO TO AU.

Clearly I need to stop trying to find a man on this campus and instead start prowling the metro like a creep.

<3tracy

a grassroots victory!

Ryan Carter and I are celebrating the fact that we have not been arrested.

Not because we did anything particularly badass, like burn our draft cards or trespass onto School of Americas property. We might have been okay with risking arrest if we were true revolutionaries. But we just wanted to exercise our right to assemble in our nation's capital -- you know, the First Amendment and all that jazz? A pretty lame reason to get in trouble.

Because there were plans for a nationwide protest against the Defense of Marriage Act on January 10, Ryan and I assumed that we would be able to attend something in DC when we came back from winter break. But after checking Facebook (my source for ultimate truth about the world around me), we realized that there wasn't anything planned....so we decided to put something together ourselves. 

Unfortunately, we didn't take into account one important detail: it's January, and Barack Obama's impending inauguration threatens to be the biggest bash DC has ever seen. Apparently inauguration months are similar to times of war -- no one knows quite what to expect, all the important people are stressed out, and our basic rights are no longer guaranteed. For example, we found out that NO ONE is allowed to hold a demonstration on the mall. And when we submitted a permit to hold our protest in a different part of the city, we found out that NO ONE gets their paperwork approved when the National Park Service is busy fortifying the area for an attack. Or a parade. Or whatever.

But, bless our little activist hearts, that didn't stop us! We switched our venue from "protest" to "gathering" and kept advertising for the event. Until Ryan almost had a heart attack.

Ryan: Ohmigosh. FML. FML!!!

Tara: What does that mean?

Ryan: FUCK MY LIFE.

Tara: Why???

Ryan: What if all of the work that we've been doing pays off, our advertising is effective, and hundreds of people show up to this "gathering"?

Tara: That's a good thing.

Ryan: No, that's a PROTEST. That's a type of event we're NOT PERMITTED TO HOLD. That's something the Metropolitan Police will NOTICE. And then they'll ask who's in charge, and then they'll ARREST ME.

Tara: They will not.

Ryan: Yes they will, because my name is all over the permit. The permit that GOT REJECTED.

Tara: My name is on it too! I'm the one who submitted it.

Ryan: Then they'll arrest you too! WHY ARE WE DOING THIS???!?!? I CANNOT HAVE A RECORD.  

Tara: Calm down!

Ryan: I have to call my mentor and figure this out. FML.

After Ryan stopped having this meltdown, he had another one. And another. Finally, we pulled ourselves together and showed up to our non-protest (or "non-test," as Ryan lovingly referred to it) prepared to defend our cause to the MPDC. And no one came.

That's not entirely true. About ten dedicated people came. But there were none of the crowds that we anticipated, none of the 100 confirmed guests on Facebook (so much for ultimate truth), and certainly none of the scary police officers. We had a nice, calm gathering in a circle with no fear of imminent incarceration. We collected a couple of signatures for our petition despite the freezing rain. And then we called it quits due to a serious lack of umbrellas, sat around in Starbucks, and enjoyed the sweet taste of freedom.

Ryan: Well, maybe it would have been kind of cool if we had been arrested. Like, not really arrested. But scared of being arrested.

Tara: You were already scared of being arrested.

Ryan: But what if a police car had passed us and we imagined them looking at us and we thought they were pissed? We would have been so freaked out!

Tara: I think we were already freaking out a little.

Ryan: Yeah, but I kind of wanted it to be based in reality.

So no need to post our bail, friends -- we made it home safely after successfully organizing our first unauthorized protest. Which was really more like a handful of LGBT-friendly people hanging out on a Saturday afternoon. Which was much less epic that we imagined it in our freaked-out minds. 

Our mothers are so proud.

<3tara

oh, you must be white

Ryan: My grandma used to make us give her kisses with our noses.
Tracy: Oh, you mean Eskimo kisses?
Ryan: Yeah. And with your eyelashes...
Tracy: Butterfly kisses?
Ryan: Yeah. You must be white.
Tracy: What?
Ryan: Isn't that just a really white thing to do?

Yes, I am white. haha.
<3tracy

conversations that distracted me while I was minding my own business in Starbucks during AU's power outage

ambiguously Jewish-looking boy: I don't like talking to people about my family. They're like, totally weirded out when they find out my dad is a rabbi and my brother just became a Muslim. Talk about rebellion. 

girl sitting on top of her boyfriend: mmm, baby, I missed you sooooo muuuuuch! You know what one of the hardest things about being separated was?

boyfriend with double-pierced chin: What's that, babe?

girl sitting on top of her boyfriend: Whenever I used chapstick, I felt really...you know...sad.

boyfriend with double-pierced chin: Why did chapstick make you sad?

girl sitting on top of her boyfriend: Well, you know, I'm so used to using your chapstick. Or you using mine. Or at least offering you some of mine. But when you weren't there, I couldn't do that, and it was so HARD.

boyfriend with double-pierced chin: awwww, baby.

*They commence a very public make out session, and I get up and move so I don't throw up*

girl who was in one of my classes last semester but doesn't recognize me: Oh my god, this place is closing already? It's so late!!! I came here with my computer and my book, hoping to do a little typing and reading, but I didn't expect to be sitting here and talking about Jesus for so long! Wow!

other girl who was in a different one of my classes last semester and also doesn't recognize me: Yeah, I'm not ready for the night to be over yet. I just didn't have enough human interaction when I was in Minnesota, so it's all coming out now.

adorable Hispanic woman (in Spanish, so this is obviously the only conversation I was excited to overhear): There's no power at the university? How strange. You mean none of the buildings have electricity? When will it come back? These students should be enjoying their last week before classes start! I'm enjoying my last week before I have to go back and clean up after them, THAT'S for sure.

<3tara

thank you, toothpaste for dinner, for saying all the things i could never find the words for

Thoughts on frat brothers:

<3tracy

my mom still lives in the STONE AGE.

Maybe this is my Facebook addiction talking, but who still uses dial-up?!?

My mom's dinosaur of a PC hails from the early 90s and is so slow that I can pretty much take a shower, do laundry, clean the house, and cook dinner before my home page loads. Needless to say, it can't handle anything more than a feeble attempt to check my email (as long as I don't get too crazy and try to download any attachments, of course).

So I have been slowly wasting away, cut off from everything I care about -- like news feeds and blogs and tetris. But now that I'm finally back at my dad's house and enjoying wireless internet like a true member of the 21st century, I will share some belated festive photos.

The Culp-Ressler-Keim-Shenk family celebrates a new year! We're wearing crowns and disco balls because we figured that would be appropriate 2009 attire.

Also, my brothers really really love my MacBook.

an open letter

To who ever found our blog by Googling the phrase "freon sprayed in face from old fridge",

Though I know not of your identity, I feel we share a very special bond for it seems we are both murderers of fridges. It's possible that you were simply an innocent bystander in a brutal fridge murder but I prefer to think that I am not alone in my shame. I hope that your face has recovered, lest your frost-bitten nose raise suspicions. If my encounter with Tara's mystery Mennonite boy has taught me anything, it is this: when you meet your soul mate, say something. So although we are strangers, I feel compelled to tell you:

I love you.

Ever yours,

Tracy