the word epic has taken on a whole new meaning

I don't even know where to start on this one, guys. This weekend was OUT OF CONTROL.

Friday night started at about 11PM when Tara, Lauren, and I went to Hawk 'n' Dove. The universe was giving us all sorts of signs to turn back while we still had the chance. The shuttle took forever. The metro took forever. It was pouring rain when we got of the metro. There was a line out the door and down the street to get in.

While we were in said line, two guys came out and started telling us that we didn't want to go in there because there were too many dudes, and we were like, actually, that sounds okay to us. So we finally get in and it is a mad house! None of us danced by ourselves for more than a couple minutes the whole night. We were just getting passed around from one guy to another. This sounds a little sketchy, but trust me on this one, it was SO FUN.

That is, until I was accosted by a CREEP from Iowa who asked me my name, where I was from, and then if I was a good kisser. At that point, I had a little meltdown and started waving my arms around like crazy trying to get Lauren and Tara's attention. So after I escaped that creeper I thought I was in the clear. But oh how wrong I was.

Even though the place was PACKED with people from out of town (here for CPAC/Powershift), somehow one of my ex-boyfriend's pledge brothers ends up grinding all up on me. So I already feel a little awkward and then not two minutes later I hear him say 'oh, shit'. Then I feel something in my hair and it turns out that HE HAS GOTTEN HIS GUM IN MY HAIR. So at that point I have a complete meltdown and I turn around and am like 'You have got to be kidding me.' So I start freaking out and we go downstairs and he got ice and we tried to freeze it off but after that failed we resorted to cutting it out. THAT'S RIGHT, TARA CUT MY HAIR RIGHT THERE IN HAWK 'N' DOVE. It was traumatic to say the least.

Since it was near the bottom it totally wasn't noticable and I actually wouldn't have minded much if I had even been remotely attracted to the kid. But sadly I was not and that good story of how we met went to waste.

The night ended on a pretty good note, though, because when we tried to get on the Centennial elevator (affectionately known as the Centenevator), the doors opened and there were two kids hooking up in it and we got a pretty good laugh.

The rest of my weekend wasn't particularly epic although I did go to MY FIRST FRAT PARTY. It was at GWU and I have no desire whatsoever to go to another one. Ever. Lame.

But all in all, I have to say that the gum in the hair story is almost as good as our story about that kid peeing on our floor.

Oh, how I love college.

<3tracy

i start to question my line of employment....

when I receive an email from my boss that contains the sentence, "Would you be comfortable handling the tarantula?"

20 years of life experience have not prepared me to figure out how to best answer this question.


<3tara

tara and i are plotting

a new blog is in the works. it could change your life. get ready, kids.

<3tracy

oh, so that's why people keep giving me weird looks on the metro!

Have you ever heard of a silent dance party? Apparently a bunch of people get together with their iPods and everyone dances to whatever they're listening to.

One time someone asked me if I'd ever been to one. I said no.

Today, I was listening to my iPod on the metro when I realized: Every day of my life is a silent dance party.

People may give me weird looks on the metro, but the truth is: I wouldn't have it any other way.

<3tracy

Lenten discipline or personal torture???? you decide.

Confession: I love Lent. 

I also love Advent. It may be kind of weird, but these long periods of waiting and anticipating are more fun for me than the actual Easter and Christmas holidays. It's all about the build-up! (Hey, women like foreplay.)

When I was a kid, some of my friends would gave up chocolate or soda or video games for Lent. I admired them because my parents never made me give up anything. Part of me felt like I was a lazy Christian, but most of me was grateful for having such chill parents.

Now, ten years later, I want to revisit this Lent thing. I mean really do it right -- none of the half-ass promises to give up chocolate while somehow making an exception for TDR cookies, none of the unrealistic resolutions to go to the gym every morning. I want this Lent to count. I want it to hurt. And I don't want to cheat.

So that's why I am (sit down, people) giving up Facebook.*

Yes, you read that right -- the ultimate Facebook creeper is stepping away from the recently updated photo albums, bidding farewell to the wall-to-walls, taking a break from refreshing the news feed, abstaining from chatting in class. This Lent will be a true test of my willpower. 

I'm a little daunted by the days ahead. I don't know what I'm going to do without the constant comfort of Facebook, especially when I'm dying of boredom in my least favorite gen eds. But I'll do it. I'll do it for Jesus. Maybe I'll read the newspaper more, or send more detailed emails to my parents, or have phone conversations with my friends from home, or (here's a thought!) actually focus on my homework. Maybe I'll finally stop creeping on anyone and everyone I know (don't hold your breath). 

So as of tonight, I am saying goodbye to endless, mindless Facebooking and committing myself to being disciplined. Lenten disciplined.

Wish me luck. I'll need it.

<3tara

* When I say "giving up," I should point out that I really mean "severely limiting." I figure that Facebook has become such an integral part of campus life (it's true! I swear!!) that I can't cut it out completely. I'll go on ONCE a day, just ONCE, for NO MORE than 10 minutes, to take care of the stuff that really matters. Like answering my relatives' wall posts and finding out about the next Guapo's night. Trust me, I waste so much of my life on Facebook, this is still an extremely serious sacrifice for me.

i'm glad this issue is finally getting the attention it deserves

reasons I might have to worry about dying alone:

1) I've spent this evening alone in my room
2) eating peanut butter out of the jar
3) with Valentine's chocolates,
4) that I bought for myself.
5) I unwrapped one of said chocolates and on the inside it said, "Be your own valentine."

This does not bode well.

<3tracy

things i have to do this month

- file my FAFSA

- figure out what the hell is going on with my zillion W-2 forms from my zillion jobs

- file my taxes

- realize I have no money

- die

<3tara

vaginas unite!!!

Tonight, Tracy, Steph, Rachel, and I went to go see AU's production of the Vagina Monologues. We learned some important things.

- Every woman should become intimately acquainted with her vagina. 

- SLOW DOWN!

- Cunt is not always a bad word, but a roomful of people who have been taught that it is will still feel uncomfortable shouting it.

- The clitoris has more nerve endings than any other part of the female or male body. It totally beats out the penis. So there.

- There are many different kinds of moans, including the Beyonce moan ("To the left! TO THE LEFT!!!!") and the Obama moan ("Yes...we....CANNNN!"), but the greatest and most accurate is the College Student moan ("Ohh...I should be studying right now...ohhh...ohhhh NO, what if my roommate can hear us???")

- Vaginas have personalities of their own. Tracy and I are working on names.

Happy belated V-Day, everyone.

<3tara

my apologies, dear readers

Why am I apologizing?

Well I just read Tara's last few entries. And they made me laugh out loud. Then I realized I haven't blogged in over a week. Thus I concluded: I am a bad blogger.

My fall from grace has a number of causes. Among them:

~I have a job.

Yeah, I know I basically get paid to sit in a cubicle and do my homework, so why don't I have time to blog? The truth is, I'm really afraid of being caught not doing the work that they aren't giving me to do. That makes no sense. Whatever.

~I have a lazy ass.

This is actually the real reason I haven't been blogging more. The first one just sounded more legit.

So in conclusion, I'm sorry. I promise to blog more. Really. I promise. Soon.

<3tracy

obviously, zach and i do not have future careers in linguistic anthropology.

(Over Facebook chat, because Zach and I are in separate rooms attempting to finish our homework for Linguistics class tomorrow)

Zach: I don't know why I'm complaining about this, but I can't do our Language and Culture reading...

Zach: I just had to vent.

Tara: I know. Are you trying to read the super long and crazy one?

Zach: Well, before I discuss what I'm reading, I will find it necessary to define what I mean, exactly, by long, and by crazy, because I will often have occasion to use said terms. The very juxtaposition of "long" with "crazy" implies that long is a descriptive adjective. While I do not disagree with the descriptive functions of long, I do believe that it becomes necessary to embrace the contradiction within "long," which I will represent by 1) using French a couple times, and 2) pulling copious amounts of shit out of my ass.

Tara: FUCK THIS CLASS.

<3tara

i'm beginning to feel a little like Pavlov's dog.

So I have this new job at the library, which is awesome because I have really convenient hours and I don't have to commute anywhere off-campus, and not-so-awesome because I sometimes want to kill myself when I'm trapped in this tiny cubicle for hours on end.

I work in the Acquisitions department, which is in charge of handling all of the mail that comes in and out of the library. My job basically consists of the following:

- listening for the doorbell. Whenever the doorbell rings, I have to drop whatever I'm doing and answer it. Sometimes I have to sign for some packages, sometimes I have to deliver mail to library employees...but usually I just have to be there to physically open the door.

That's it.

Seriously. They hired me to listen for the doorbell. Which usually rings between 0 and 5 times during my four-hour shift.

So in the meantime, I'm usually engaged in the following activities:

- hiding out in my cubicle, trying to avoid my boss (who will remember that I'm an actual employee when she sees me and give me additional projects like filing forms, alphabetizing books, checking call numbers, and addressing packages)
- checking my email
- thinking about reading my textbooks
- ending up on Facebook
- watching the clock
- dying

But then I think about the fact that I'm getting paid for this shit, and I feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

<3tara

why i think amanda may have a gambling problem

"The poker game hasn't started yet and I'm so pissed. I just want to make some money tonight!!! Is that too much to ask? I'll play anything. Seriously. Scrabble, Monopoly, anything. Let's go."

everything my 7th grade health teacher never wanted me to learn about drugs

In order to finish up a science requirement, Steph and I are taking a psychology class called Drugs & Behavior. Basically, we spend an hour on Mondays and Thursdays listening to Maria (the greatest professor of all time) impart all of her knowledge about illegal substances. In a cute Spanish accent. 

The following are just a few of her pearls of wisdom:

"This isn't a class where we are going to judge each other. You can be honest with me. I mean, in my opinion, marijuana is pretty much God's gift to humans."

"If you are looking to experiment with hallucinogens, the research shows that college is the best time to do it. Just so you know. LSD is a youth drug, and it is not addictive."

"When people are high on amphetamines, it's just remarkable to see. ...Not that I've seen it or anything. But it's really wild."

"I'm telling you all these street names for crack cocaine just in case you get offered some on the street. I mean, if someone offered me some 'candy,' I think I would say yes."

"Just so you know, E is not actually ecstasy, but the effects are pretty much the same. Just in case you get offered some, you should know that you can take either."

"Remember that taking drugs intravenously gives you the best high."

"I want to show you some videos of people taking heroin. It's really neat!"

"They will still prescribe opiates for pain. If you go to the doctor and complain of a bad cough, you will go home with a bottle of codeine. ...Not that I'm giving you any ideas, guys."

"In my opinion, the gateway theory is very wrong. Basically, smoking weed will not lead you to do crack."

<3tara

why did i spend so much time searching for a job again?

It is 65 degrees and sunny.

I am sitting in a cubicle.


<3tara

my life may finally be complete

Remember Olsson's Books in Dupont? As sad as I am that it's gone, guess what is coming to that location:

Something called Wagamama. Why am I so excited about this? IT'S A RESTAURANT DEVOTED TO RAMEN.

ramen + tracy = <3


YAY.

<3tracy

nice girls finish last

Scene: After visiting four different laundry rooms in hopes of finding an open machine, I have a meltdown in the Anderson 3 South laundry room. I tried to beat the washing machine in submission only to fail miserably and spiral into a fit of theatrical sobbing.

Ponytail Steve: I think you need to chill out, man.
Me: You want to know what I think, I think I need some fucking Valium!
Ponytail Steve: When did you start swearing? And taking Valium? I thought you were a nice girl!

<3tracy

love is in the air

Lauren: What are we doing for Valentines Day?

Cliff: How would you feel if I made you dinner?

Lauren: What food do you have?

Cliff: Well, with what I have now...I could make you a vodka sandwich. But I would have to borrow some bread.

Steph (via text message): So did you sexy sexy or just kiss?

zoo day with billy and hargadon!!

On Sunday Tara and I went to the zoo with Roxanne and Eric and Eric's friends Billy and Hargadon*. Good times were had by all.

We met some animal statues.

We rode some bears.
I got some bottle-nosed lovin'.

I scared some children.

Oh yeah, and we saw some turtles getting it on.

All in all, a good day. Well maybe not for that kid that I scared. Or that female turtle. But at least the weather was nice, right?

<3tracy

*We spent most of our travel time to the zoo practicing saying Hargadon's name (its actually his last name) but we kept hitting this mental block and calling him Hagerdorn. Below is an actual transcript of our actual conversation:

Eric: Hargadon.
Roxanne: Hagerdorn?
Tara: Hagerdorn! What!?
Tracy: Hagerdon?
Eric: HAR-GA-DON.
Tracy and Roxanne: Hargadon? Hargadon.
Tara: Hargadon? Hagerdorn.
Roxanne: Can we just call him Andrew?
Eric: No one calls him Andrew.
Tracy: I bet his mother calls him Andrew.
Roxanne: Hargadon.

[enter Billy and Hargadon]

Hargadon: You can just call me Andrew.

"obviously you shouldn't be using your office computer to look at pornography"

Just one of the many things I learned at my job orientation today.
For those of you that didn't get the memo, I'm now officially a federal employee. I even took my oath of office! Yes, that's right, I am merely an administrative assistant at the Federal Energy and Regulatory Commission but I still had to pledge to uphold the constitution and all that jazz!

But the more exciting part of the day was that I met a girl I will be working with. Check out these spooky similarities between us:

-We both go to AU.
-We are both sophomores.
-We are both in the honors program.
-We are both from California.
-We are both from SOUTHERN California.
-We are both working Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.
-We are both awesome. haha.

She's also in one of Tara's classes. Is it creepy that I know that?

More on this job when I actually have my first day on Wednesday!

<3tracy

even all the way from Brussels, Trent knows me best.

(over Facebook chat, because our dear friend Trent is studying abroad in Belgium for the semester)

Trent: so what has everyone been up to?
Tara: ummmmmm
Tara: i got a job at the library!
Trent: you would
Trent: you are the typical sexy librarian
Trent: with all of those cardigans
Trent: and the hint of a fancy bra


<3 tara

For no reason at all, I am already awake...

even though it is before 7 AM. I think this is a violation of some cardinal rule of college students.

I have never seen a Washington, DC sunrise before.


<3 tara